CHICAGO IL. - Local man, Danny Jennings has converted to Judaism in order to spend all Sunday sitting on the couch watching NFL games.
Formerly a Christian, he has long been frustrated when he missed the early slate of games for church. Jennings was so excited when he learned that G-d's Chosen People of the Bible go to synagogue and keep Sabbath on Saturday so they are free all Sunday except for short early morning services, hours before kickoff.
"You mean, you never have church on Sunday? Like, you never once miss kick-off?" asked Jennings. "Well, I'm convinced. The evidence for truth of Judaism is just overwhelming, and I literally have no choice but to convert. I never really bought into the trinity nonsense in the first place."
Jennings states that his religious conversion has lead to a notable improvement in his fantasy football performance. "Boy, do I love being Jewish," said Jennings as he sent smack talk to his fantasy opponent. "I've always been at a big disadvantage in our league, not being able to watch all the games. Hard doing fantasy against agnostics who spend all Sunday at home. But, thanks to Judaism, my team 'Country Road, Take Mahomes' is on fire."
"It wasn't easy convincing the Rabbi to convert me. I wanted an Orthodox conversion. The real McCoy. The Rabbi had heard many stories before but never that a person wanted to convert so that he wouldn't miss a football game. But I explained that it really makes sense that G-d chose the Jewish people and promised that they are His eternal people regardless of their deeds. So why on earth would He change His mind? Why would he give the commandments and then abrogate them? The whole Christian thing just doesn't make sense. Human sacrifice? So pagan. Plus, I have great hopes for the Bears this year."
At publishing time, Jennings was struggling with withdrawl syndrome from having to miss all the great college football games that take place on Saturday that he can't watch live.
