Did you ever see that riveting scene in the film A Few Good Men where Jack Nicholson says the iconic line, "You can't handle the truth!" How interesting it is that the very idea of truth seems to be under attack nowadays. As much as we all decry fake news and say we want the truth, we neglect one salient fact:
That's right, we spin a plethora of stories, little white lies, confabulations, narratives, or whatever you want to call them, that are often incongruent with who we really are.
And when we do that, we are not being authentic.
Why do we make up these stories? Usually, because either consciously or unconsciously, we want to protect a certain narrative or image and project it to others.
Let me share a couple of examples, and then examine how mindfulness can show you the truth... if you dare. First, let's explain self-deception, which can take many forms. The book Self Deception Unmasked looks at several studies about self-deception. Here are just two that were covered in the book that describe how common it is.
Over a million students attending high school were asked how good they were at getting along with others. The survey's findings concluded, "all students thought they were above average in their ability to get along with others...and 25% thought they were in the top 1%.” Now, you might counter, "Yes, but those are immature high school students. Surely, more mature persons wouldn't feel that way." That brings us to a second survey.
University professors were asked to rate themselves in their jobs compared to other professors. And the survey says, "94% thought they were better at their jobs than their average colleague."
This type of personal self-deception supports our belief in who we imagine ourselves to be. What about you? How would you answer this question: "Am I smarter/better at my job than the people I work with? Or am I worse?"
Self-deception also occurs when someone exhibits outright denial, like those parents who refuse to believe that their child would commit a crime or harm another. In this case, self-deception upholds a belief system, which might be "I was a good parent and my child was taught right from wrong."
A third kind of self-deception is that which attempts to make something true, even when it is not. Politicians and political parties partake in this behavior frequently, especially when trying to paint an unfavorable picture of their opponents.
Carl Jung might say that the thing we negatively react to reveals a hidden truth about ourselves that we are unwilling to admit. For example, imagine a person who claims to be nonjudgmental, but is always looking to be superior and "score points" by comparing themselves favorably to others. Or, consider someone who righteously points fingers and calls others "racist," but wants preferential and exclusive treatment for themselves.
Can You Handle the Mindful Truth?
I'll go first here by disclosing that mindfulness has helped to expose and unravel some of my own knots of self-deception. I can better see when I'm greedy, stubborn, and angry without cause. I've tried to own those things in myself that are less than flattering. Like the one who said, "I'm perfect as I am and I could use a little improvement," I know I have a long way to go to extinguish my own self-deception. But I've also learned that by opening up and witnessing the incongruent parts of myself, I can pull up the roots of self-deception and better accept both who I am and how I am.
Conclusion
First of all, the practice of mindfulness takes time and effort. Devote yourself to a mindfulness practice. Be around persons who are well-intended and kind. Know that being imperfect is being human.
My advice is to start with the body. Tune in to your breath. Notice how the body feels when you want to tell a little white lie or want to push away something that is inconvenient. See what it's like to accept your whole being—including those parts of you that are less ideal than what you want. It's OK to acknowledge your whole self, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In this way, you can know that you are growing into the kind of authentic person who is confident and living in their own skin.
Most importantly, with mindfulness, you clear away negativity and face truth courageously. What a beautiful gift to offer to yourself and others!
References
Mele, Alfred R. Self-Deception Unmasked. Princeton University Press, 2001. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt7s4tg. Accessed 31 Oct. 2025.
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