OŚWIĘCIM — Jews on their way to their imminent deaths reportedly overheard a guard at the Auschwitz-Birkenau Death Camp, later identified as Maximilian Mulka, rejecting claims that he hated Jewish people, saying, "I don't hate the Jews or anything, just Zionists."
"The Jews are fine," Mulka allegedly said as he separated potential laborers from invalids. "I don't think you should collectively judge anyone. Like, anyone. Except Zionists. They're the real problem. Look at those colonialists in Palestine. They actually want to rebuild a desolate land that they have been aching to return to for 2,000 years and pretend that it is their home and completely disregard the indigenous population. A genocide if I have ever seen one."
Mulka's colleagues at Auschwitz-Birkenau described him as an outstanding Nazi capable of killing anyone who came under his charge, be they Gypsy, Christian, or Zionist. "There's no one better at killing Jews, um, I mean Zionists," said Guard Battalion Commander Arthur Schveitzerman.
While leading several Zionists into the showers, Mulka casually explained his nuanced perspective on the Zionist problem: "I mean, I love Jews. I have Jewish friends and stuff. But Zionism is a brain virus from the devil," he said. "I'm doing the world a favor by getting rid of them. The Zionists, I mean."
At publishing time, Allied forces raided Auschwitz-Birkenau but let Maximillian Mulka go, after he successfully argued that they needed to unite to fight the Left.
