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U.S. — A losing football team excitedly announced today it had hired a new head coach, who was just fired from a different losing football team.
Though the team's previous coach was also hired from yet another losing team, the general manager felt confident the new loser coach would stop the losing.
"This will change everything," announced general manager John Ryans. "With seven wins and twenty-nine losses over the past three years, our new coach knows what it takes to win. He also knows what it takes to not win. He's got that knowledge, and bringing that knowledge is a great asset. His knowledge of both how to lose and how to win is huuuuuge. With our group of players who generally lose, plus a new coach who's been losing and on a rare occasion winning, we've never been in a better position to not lose but probably also lose a lot."
According to league sources, all of the losing football teams are once again participating in the annual mandatory coach swap. "This time will be different, I know it," said local fan Marcus Denison. "He really was the best coach available, because the coaches that win didn't get fired. He may be a loser, but he's lost in very different ways than our old coach. He is a creative type of loser which he can harness to either win or lose in yet more creative ways. I think it's going to be a great fit."
At publishing time, one unlucky coach was left at the end of the annual coach swap, thus becoming the head coach of the Cleveland Browns.
