Every child, in a sense, is a hostage. He is living in a home where he was placed without his consent. He is completely vulnerable to the treatment of [very fallible and incomplete] adults who exercise complete control over him. The reason we don't feel badly for them is that they are living under wonderful conditions. They are surrounded by love and warmth and their physical and emotional needs are being met. So it's all good. No alarmism necessary.
Unless.... unless his parents are NOT giving the child what the child needs. Many children live with a parent who is emotionally deaf to the child's needs. Many live with a parent who has anger management problems. Many children live in homes filled with tension and/or anxiety. Many children are bullied by siblings and the parents don't protect them. There are LOADS of problems. And the thing is - there are no demonstrations to protect these young, innocent, pure "hostages". There is nowhere for them to go. I am not talking about where there is extreme abuse ח"ו. I am talking about the "micro-abuse" that almost every child experiences - often despite the parent's BEST intentions.
And then they grow up filled with childhood trauma - which they pass on to the next generation. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that most or all of us are walking around with some degree of childhood trauma. Many of us are third-fourth generation to Holocaust survivors. Oceans of intergenerational trauma there, as research has shown.
Mussar Haskel: If you want to minimize the trauma your children experience - work on yourself. Become more self aware. Make sure that your relationship with your spouse is positive. It is VERY traumatic for children when their parents are living in disharmony. Try to be aware and mindful of EACH CHILD'S unique needs. Apologize to your children when YOU were out of line. Minimize the criticism as much as possible. Give them UNCONDITIONAL love. We are human BEINGS not human DOINGS. We love our children b/c they exist. On top of that there are also expectations but even if the expectations are not always met that shouldn't detract from our basic love. Give them a LOT of verbal and physical affection. They need it. Shown them how they are special in a way nobody else is.
Also - devices. It has been proven again and again that social media is BAD FOR CHILDREN'S HEALTH. Yet parents give their kids unfiltered phones. This is not just the Rabbonim talking. It is all of the scientific research that has shown it's deleterious effects. Ditto movies and TV with violence, sexual content and damaging messages.
Also - values. When parents instill in their children a twisted system of values it is very unhealthy for the child. So many children grow up in a home where money is valued more than kindness or where material success is valued more than spiritual success. Make sure the values you are giving to your children [which they will likely hold dear for the rest of their lives] are positive. Make sure that YOUR heroes are the Tzadikim and not the entertainers and athletes so that your children will have the same attitude.
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Note; It goes without saying that the trauma of being taken by terrorists is incomparable to anything else and may Hashem return all of the hostages home.
