OSLO — The Norwegian Nobel Committee has announced the recipient of this year's Nobel Peace Prize will be Hamas, for their valiant efforts to release a few kidnapped children in exchange for several terrorists.
"The humanity, compassion, and kindness of this act are inspiring to us all," said a Nobel Committee Spokesperson Ingrid Haugen while presenting the award to a Hamas fighter wearing a vest strapped with c4 and ball bearings. "Hamas didn't need to release these orphaned Israeli child colonizers after slaughtering their parents in front of them, but they did. We could use more tender goodwill like this in our world today."
This evoked tears of nostalgia as people remembered how Yassir Arafat was an earlier recipient of this coveted prize. People who so actively promote peace by trying to kill all of their enemies so that there will be no one alive against whom to wage war are truly worthy of this recognition.
Human rights groups around the world were quick to praise the genocidal terrorist organization after they released 17 of their 250 hostages in exchange for a long enough ceasefire for them to hide all their weapons in a new children's hospital. "We live in dark times," said Haugen, "but the brave mujahideen of Hamas have restored our faith in humanity."
The roughly one million dollar prize will be split among Hamas billionaire leaders presently enjoying themselves in a 5 star hotel in Qatar as the 2 million Palestinians living in Gaza suffer from the destruction wrought by the Israeli response to the October 7th massacre perpetrated by these distinguished Nobel laureates.
Hamas took home the coveted award after receiving more votes than runner-up nominee Florian Mibbs, a Portland college student who tore down posters of kidnapped Israeli children on her campus.
At publishing time, Hamas had also been nominated for a Nobel Prize in Physics for their pioneering work in converting water treatment pipes into rockets.
