B'chasdei Hashem, over the past almost 20 years, Beis Mevakesh Lev has produced over 13,300 audio shiurim and over 31,000 written posts, unmatched by any one-person website - all completely free of charge. There are no paywalls or anything else. Now we are turning to you for help so we can continue - any amount will help. Even 99 cents! Thank you to my sweetest and most beloved friends!!!:-)!!
alchehrm@gmail.com
----
----
A decade into the birth of positive psychology, right as the field was bursting with research on human flourishing, psychologist Antonella Delle Fave decided to return to the basics—to the very definitions of happiness. Together with an international team of colleagues, Delle Fave asked people from seven countries first, and from 12 countries some years later, to share their lay definitions of happiness. The findings were striking: for most people, happiness meant inner harmony and harmony in relationships.
“In 2011, when the first study was published, there was little attention in positive psychology on these crucial dimensions,” Delle Fave recalls. “Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if harmony will at some point be considered a basic psychological need.”
Harmony is at the heart of well-being
Across cultures and philosophical traditions, from the ancient Greeks to Confucian teachings, harmony—with self, others, and the world—has long been heralded as an integral aspect of well-being. Etymologically, at the heart of the word harmony is the notion of concord and relationality: a dynamic coming together of different components that, through their mutual support and dependence, allow things to flourish. Emerging research in psychology continues to highlight harmony’s role in a good life, with scholars describing it as a core quality of mental health and as the “golden thread” running through all aspects of well-being.
Harmony may be key to life altogether
“Thousands of years of human history have shown that living in harmony is the first prerequisite for survival,” says Delle Fave.
It is this juxtaposition between our need for harmonious co-existence with the world and our drive for individuality that has captivated Delle Fave throughout her research. “As individuals, especially in Western cultures, we strive for independence and autonomy, while simultaneously depending on, and growing through, our relationships,” she says. Integrating these two sides of ourselves—our individuality and our interconnectedness—is, according to Delle Fave, an aspect of inner harmony.
Here are her seven insights on harmony.
Harmony in two words
Openness and acceptance.
A common misconception about harmony
That harmony contradicts the independent self.
A common misconception about happiness
That happiness is something to be achieved. Instead, happiness is a byproduct of how we live our lives.
Harmony and happiness – parallels and paradoxes
Happiness tends to be linked to goal achievement and positive events: I will be happy when something (special) happens. As an emotional experience, happiness comes and goes. Harmony is a more stable condition of connectedness with oneself and the environment. Harmony can be the starting point of everyday life, and at the same time, it can become a constituent of happiness.
To some extent, happiness and harmony go in opposite directions. The more you chase happiness, the less you can peacefully feel harmony, because harmony requires accepting the moment and one’s life as it is. It’s a shift in mindset. When you stop striving to be happy, you enter a harmonious relationship with the present moment and with reality, both internally and externally. Isn’t that a form of happiness in itself?
Don’t let language get in your way
In English, the root of happiness is “happen.” People may often connect happiness with the idea that something has to happen—like achieving goals or experiencing high-arousal positive emotions. In Neo-Latin languages like Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese, the Indo-European root of the word derived from the Latin “felicitas” is fe, meaning fertility, growth, and flourishing. Happiness is thus understood as a process, and not as an event. In Hebrew the word is שמחה related to צמיחה - also growth and sprouting.
Yet, when it comes to harmony, we found that people across cultures describe it in strikingly similar ways. Some of the recurrent terms include “inner peace,” “balance,” “feeling attuned with the universe, with other people, and with the self.” In Hebrew "מאושר" would be a close translation.
Instead of chasing after happiness, we can cultivate harmony
We may have been defining happiness in the wrong way. Researchers typically conceptualize happiness in terms of satisfaction with life and positive emotions. But people in the real world don’t necessarily think about happiness in that way. In our research, we found that people want the harmony of a balanced life, rather than big achievements. Thus, to cultivate harmony means to cultivate happiness.
You can cultivate a sense of harmony alongside your ambitions
Harmony doesn’t deny the natural and positive drive for growth. Harmony doesn’t mean ignoring the future. Rather, it means cultivating a new relationship with your goals, one in which you are not chasing accomplishments to the detriment of the present. Setting goals and wanting to achieve things are not incompatible with harmony. What changes is our understanding of the journey and the destination. Rather than finding happiness and fulfillment when you finally reach your goal, harmony helps you find what you are seeking in the process. It allows you to pursue your goals without the anxiety of needing to achieve them. The process itself is intrinsically rewarding.
Three ways to foster harmony with self, others, and the world
1. We are all interconnected
We often treat nature and the environment as “other.” But human beings are nature. Nature is not separate from us; it’s not other. Recognizing this interconnectedness can make a profound difference and even counterbalance feelings of loneliness.
2. Take care of the mind and body
To protect mental health, take care of physical health, and vice versa. Harmony means finding a balance between the physical and the mental.
3. Experience flow
We can experience flow through certain activities. As a transient but complex experience, flow is a powerful source of harmony, especially when you are not driven by the need to achieve a specific goal. When you are in flow, you stop observing yourself critically. You stop ruminating. You are in the present moment, absorbed in what you are doing, without expecting anything. Flow promotes a harmonious interaction with reality. It is not about reaching a goal; it’s about feeling one with the activity. Flow can improve performance because you forget about the goal. Then, as if by a miracle, the goal is achieved.
References
Delle Fave, A., Wissing, M. P., & Brdar, I. (2023). Beyond polarization towards dynamic balance: Harmony as the core of mental health. Frontiers in psychology, 14, 1177657.
Delle Fave, A., Brdar, I., Freire, T., Vella-Brodrick, D., & Wissing, M. P. (2011). The eudaimonic and hedonic components of happiness: Qualitative and quantitative findings. Social indicators research, 100(2), 185-207.
Delle Fave, A., Brdar, I., Wissing, M. P., Araujo, U., Castro Solano, A., Freire, T., ... & Soosai-Nathan, L. (2016). Lay definitions of happiness across nations: The primacy of inner harmony and relational connectedness. Frontiers in psychology, 7, 30.
Psych. Today
