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HAMPTON, NH — As millions resolve to briefly get back in shape, Planet Fitness announced a convenient new two-week gym membership just in time for the New Year's holiday.
According to sources, the New Year's holiday is the busiest time of year for the fitness industry, which is exactly why Planet Fitness plans to set itself apart with a convenient two-week gym membership for the coveted New Year's resolution demographic.
"Our competitors want to abuse the New Year's resolution by locking you into annual gym memberships, which is exactly why we're offering a low-pressure, zero-hassle two-week gym commitment so you don't pay for more than you need," said Planet Fitness CEO Colleen Planet. "We all know you're going to quit anyway."
Planet Fitness revised its quarterly sales figures up by 15% in anticipation of non-committal fat people choosing them over the leading competitor, 24 Hour Fitness. Early response to their new company slogan has proven particularly positive.
Planet Fitness — Because The New Year Doesn't Have To Be All Year
At publishing time, consumers discovered the convenient two-week membership wasn't so convenient after all because it was impossible to cancel.
