U.S. - Planned Parenthood has long been seen as a reliable provider of unborn baby murder. Unfortunately, however, more and more women around the country are choosing to let their children live, which has hurt Planned Parenthood's bottom line in recent years.
In a brilliant move to recover lost revenue, Planned Parenthood has added transgender hormones and surgery to their list of services, enabling them to make money off the kids who escape abortion by carving up and maiming them after they're born in the name of trans rights.
"Butchering and maiming children has always been my life's passion," said Planned Parenthood doctor Damien Ghoul as he rubbed his hands together and smiled. "Now, thanks to gender ideology and our new 'gender services,' I can carve up kids from kindergarten to high school as well as in the womb! Woo hoo!"
Planned Parenthood has written sex-ed curricula for schools across the country to ensure kids become gender-confused and enter the Planned Parenthood sales pipeline at a very young age. They hope that with time, they will accomplish their goal of murdering, drugging, or butchering every last child in the country.
"We are proud of the work we do at Planned Parenthood," said Dr. Ghoul. "Who knows--the next child we serve could be yours!"
Dr. Ghoul then sprouted leathery wings and screeched an ancient Sumerian incantation before sinking into the ground in a plume of fire.
The Debacle In California
In related news: California may be broke — but Gavin Newsom and the Democrats will always find money for abortion.
On Wednesday, California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a bill directing $90 million in public funds to Planned Parenthood. So now there is 90 million dollars to kill innocent babies or carve them up if they are lucky enough to be born.
Budgetary Math: A Win-Win
State officials argue that the $90 million is actually a cost-saving measure. By eliminating the need for future public schools, pediatric care, and those annoying "Baby on Board" stickers that obstruct rearview visibility, the state expects to save billions by 2040.
While some extremist groups suggest that 90 million dollars could be used for, say, affordable housing or improving the foster care system, the Newsom administration dismissed these ideas as "nostalgic for the 1950s."
"Choice doesn't stop at the exit of the birth canal," Newsom concluded, flashing a smile that could blind a medium-sized bird. "In California, we believe that 'Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness' is an outdated phrase, better substituted by 'Death, Liberty and the Pursuit of Annihilationism'".
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All satire aside: For a בן נח, abortion is a capital offense no less than murder. And this supporter of mass murder wants to be the next President of the USA.
For the Left - this is all about "reproductive health" and "gender affirmation". They butcher language like innocent babies.
