Today someone said to me [context not relevant] "This is not about me at all but totally about you".
That is a very shady statement. Remember the rule: EVERY human being is about him or herself. One can say that he is ALSO about others but not that he is not about himself at all. There is no such thing as ביטול גמור - complete self nullification. Maybe it exists but it is rarer than rare. Even when one donates a kidney or the like - there is a personal stake. For example - it feels GREAT to know you saved someone's life. It is a huge mitzva and gives one satisfaction in this and the next worlds. When you give money to Tzdaka it might be b/c you feel badly for the poor person and now you feel better or many other reasons. When you learn Torah - it is interesting, gives you a sense of accomplishment etc. etc. When do you feel better - when YOU make a siyum hashas or when you friend does? If it is about HASHEM then it shouldn't matter - should it?
If you want to grow - find reasons that it is to your benefit to do the right thing. The reasons should be as altruistic [i.e. לשם שמים] as possible but they have to somehow serve your purposes. So for example: I believe in the Jewish people and Torah so if I do kiruv that advances my agenda i.e. perpetuating our people and its Torah. On one hand the motivation is quite pure but I also have a personal stake. Otherwise, if I feel no connection, I won't do it.
Another example of personal stake: People will do anything to have a child. What are they worried about? There are over 7 billion people on the planet!!! The world doesn't need YOUR children. The human species will perpetuate for as long as people have an intense innate desire to have children and the act of creating one is so pleasurable [which is one of the niflaos habriya!!]. But we love ourselves and unless there are children that are MINE - I can't be happy.
Parents will spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars on their children's education. Is this b/c they so value a Jewish education? Maybe - but how much do they donate to the local yeshiva's scholarship fund?? Not nearly as much as they spend on their own children [usually...]. B/c if it is MY child - then the sky is the limit. When a "schnorrer" comes around in shul [collecting for Jewish education!!] I will give him a dollar or five and be done with it. So I value a Jewish education ESPECIALLY for MY child. Somewhat altruistic but also with a personal stake. I get very little nachas from other people's children [if any]. If it is not MINE - it ain't the same!
Rav Dessler emphasizes this principal even when it applies to great people. People are just people. So don't believe a politician when he says that he is merely a "public servant" with no concern for his own power and success. He might even believe that but it not true. EVERYONE is deeply concerned for their own success. A Rebbi in Yeshiva is happy when any Talmid learns well but is ESPECIALLY gratified when it is his own Talmid. A doctor wants everyone to be healthy but cares most about HIS patients.
To deny our own ego and self interest is to deny reality. Let us acknowledge reality and use our knowledge to become better people and make the world a better place.
ישמע חכם ויוסף לקח!!!
