It has become very popular quite recently to write and say "li-ilui nishmas [name] ben [father's name] and [mother's name]. This is an innovation.
The poskim say that when davening for a sick person the MOTHER'S name should be used. This is because we want to be sure that the tefillah is accurate and we can't know for sure who ANYBODY'S father is [w/o a DNA test].
When someone dies, the father's name is traditionally used. This is not meant as an affront to women. Jews are fully aware that without both a mother and father, this person wouldn't have been born and that both are equal parents. The child's status as a Jew is determined ONLY by the mother. Yet, the father's name is used when called up to the Torah and when doing things in the person's memory and on tombstones.
But, as part of the feminist revolution - the mother's name is today commonly being mentioned as well.
Sometimes it is the little things that make big changes. We have to be careful that those changes are in line with our values and not with those of the NY Times or CNN [or even Fox].
