CHICAGO — Mayor Brandon Johnson advised Chicago reporters to stop using the word "Chicago" when describing anything that happens in Chicago because of all the negative connotations associated with Chicago.
"You can call it 'The Windy City' or 'Downtown Deep Dish' or 'Home Of The Bulls, Cubs and Blackhawks', but do not, under any circumstances call it Chicago," said the mayor of Chicago. "That just wouldn't be appropriate. It is offensive and disrespectful and me MUST be respectful."
The Mayor received quite a bit of push back from Chicago White Sox fans. He MEANT to teach respect but the White Sox fans felt that the mayor should be non-partisan when it comes to rooting for sports teams and here he showed an obvious bias for the Cubs.
The city formerly known as Chicago has been under particular strain of late due to "mob-like" "large gatherings" disrupting businesses with "loot-like" behavior. Mayor Brandon hopes that calling the city literally anything else will cause the problem to go away.
"There's history in this city. I don't want to be responsible for the birth of more ‘baby Al Capones'," Brandon said. "Only by hiding our problems with inoffensive language can we truly overcome them."
"And you can put that quote on an inspirational calendar," he added.
At publishing time, the crime rate of the City-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named continued to rise for some reason.
