MARS — In what scientists called the most significant discovery in the history of space exploration, the first astronauts to touch down on the Red Planet were greeted on Friday by two young men in short-sleeved white dress shirts and black hats and white strings coming down their pants.
Rick Armstrong, commander of the secret NASA and SpaceX joint mission, reported that the hatch of the landing module had barely popped open before Rabbi Mendy Eisenbach and Rabbi Shenur Zalman Kotlarsky were standing outside the ship with a table with pairs of tefillin on it and immediately asked the astronauts if, by chance, they were Jewish.
"Hello there!" Rabbi Eisenbach said brightly. "Are you Jewish? Have you put on tefillin yet today?"
Armstrong expressed surprise at seeing the two Chasidim standing on Mars without any sign as to how they had gotten there. When questioned, the men said that they are shluchim of the Rebbe, they go wherever needed and if there is a will there is a way.
When the astronausts said that they weren't Jewish the young Chabad Rabbis didn't miss a beat and handed them pamphlets instructing them how to keep the seven Noahide laws.
At publishing time the Rabbis were keeping themselves busy watching Eli Stefansky's daf yomi shiur live streamed to Mars while at the same time hoping that a Jew would wander onto the planet before shkiya [on earth] so that they can put tefillin on him.
