Qatar is out here dropping **hundreds of millions**—actually, scratch that, billions—like it's pocket change at the pizza shop. In 2025 alone, they funneled over $1.1 billion into American universities, making them the top foreign donor by miles. We're talking Ivy League and elite schools getting fat checks for "research," branch campuses, scholarships, you name it. Cornell's sitting pretty with billions over the years, mostly thanks to their Doha outpost. Harvard, Georgetown, Northwestern—they're all cashing in. Qatar is clearly a true lover of higher education and advancing the American Dream for all!
Meanwhile, the average yeshiva in Flatbush or Lakewood is running on fumes: tuition barely covers the rent, rabbeim and morah's are making less than a barista at Starbucks, and the mosdos are drowning in debt deeper than the Yam Suf.
So here's the modest proposal—time to stop begging from the same 15 balebatim who already give most of the money. Time to think bigger. Time to dip our hands into the same golden potty Qatar's using to flush money at Cornell and friends.
Picture this pitch meeting in Doha:
**Yeshiva fundraiser (wearing his best Shabbos bekishe, holding a beautifully bound sefer):**
Shalom aleichem, Your Highness! We heard you're really into higher education. You love investing in minds, right? Well, we educate minds too—tiny ones, but they grow up to be gedolim! Imagine the branding: "Qatar Foundation Presents: Yeshivas Toras Emes – Where Limudei Kodesh Meets... uh... high tech. Where real intelligence meets artificial intelligence!"
We won't even ask for a full branch campus. Just a couple hundred million to wipe out the building fund debts, give the rabbeim and morahs a living wage (so they stop needing food stamps), maybe throw in a new beis medrash with air conditioning that actually works. In return? We'll name the coat room after you. Or the water fountain. We'll even add a special shiur on "The Wisdom of the Gulf" – very uplifting, very neutral.
And look—no protests! Our bochurim don't do encampments; they do night seder. Zero risk of bad PR. Our Beis Yaakov girls don't disturb the peace. They just have hafrashas challah events thursday nights for the zchus of the cholim. You get to diversify your portfolio beyond Ivy League anti-Western vibes. Win-win!
If the sheikhes ask why we're coming to them instead of our usual donors:
"Listen, the yeshiva world has been relying on the same mesirus nefesh for generations. But Qatar? You're generous. You're consistent. You're... liquid. Very liquid. And honestly, after seeing what you did for quantum physics at Texas A&M, imagine what you could do for Gemara bekius in Monsey."
So yes, dear roshei yeshiva and askanim: stop shnorring nickels and dimes. Get on a plane to Doha. Bring a nice Mishnayos as a gift. And remember the golden rule of fundraising: when someone's handing out billions to colleges that sometimes forget what "higher" education even means, it's only fair to ask for a small slice for the ones actually teaching Torah Lishma.
Because if Qatar can afford to buy influence at Harvard, they can surely afford to help a few talmidim learn without their rebbi wondering if he can pay for his kid's braces.
Yes, let's make it happen! Vi-nahafoch Hu! Instead of our mechanchim being the lowest paid - let's make them the highest paid!
