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Also - thanks to all those who helped me be a conduit.
NEW YORK, NY — In a jaw-dropping upset shaking the cycling world, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist just obliterated every human-powered record on two wheels.
Professional motorcycle racer Judd E. Banner, the trailblazing trans-vehicle athlete, stormed a World Road Cycling League qualifier and smashed the 100-mile record — previously 3 hours 13 minutes — by finishing in well under an hour.
Banner, who boldly declared he's "always felt like a bicyclist trapped in a motorcyclist's body," got the green light after assuring officials his machine qualifies: "Handlebars, two wheels, seat — check. The 1170-cc flat-twin engine pumping 110 horsepower? Just extra personality."
To level the playing field even further, he slapped "HUFFY" on the side of his bike. Fair is fair.
Critics whining that he should maybe turn off the motor? Labeled bigots on the spot — and banned from the sport for life.
Banner accepted his trophy grinning: "This proves identity beats physics every time."
A true inspiration for the trans-vehicle community.
