I have received SECRET information that I have the honor of sharing [with permission from the White House] of the epitaph Donald Trump has written for himself for his tombstone:
Here lies a man of golden hue,
The greatest guy the world ever knew [BELIEVE ME!!].
His rallies were huge, his steaks were well-done,
He won every battle bar none.
He built a big wall—his dedicated staff also took part,
With "America First" in his big, beautiful heart.
But oh, the Fake News, those "enemies of state,"
They couldn’t handle a man who was great!
With their cameras and fact-checks and "sources" so grim,
They spent every hour just lying ‘bout him.
While they scribbled their nonsense, he stood on the stage,
The hero we needed for this digital age.
He’d tell you himself, with a wink and a grin,
He got tired of winning, then started again.
Compare him to Joe? Oh, give us a break!
A four-year-long nap was a massive mistake.
While Biden was squinting and losing his way,
The most phenomenal President was tweeting in caps to save the whole day.
And don’t get him started on Barack Hussein,
Thank the Lord for the end of his reign.
But now the Supreme Commander in Chief is resting, the golf course is still,
He’s checking the ratings from over the hill.
The headstone is marble, the font is all gold,
The boldest story that's ever been told.
This was a man who saved the world with his power
Think of this every time you see Trump's Tower.
